Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
