i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize