I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
please come you make the beer taste better
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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