Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
