Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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