The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
