Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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