sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
