If you die in college, do you die in real life?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
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