pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
soo... how was my night?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
