I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
