Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
