If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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