I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
