FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
