youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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