grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
