Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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