Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This is not my ceiling
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
