I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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