His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
