I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
