so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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