I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
