Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize