I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
