I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize