matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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