So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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