No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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