dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
