Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
