I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
