my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
