Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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