Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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