shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
cat food counts as protein by the way
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
