Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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