how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
