you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
