It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
