seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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