Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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