I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
