She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i came on her dog
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
