sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
