It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
