Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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