she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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