Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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