She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
