I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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