yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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