She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
