He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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