smell my finger.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
