It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
