dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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