Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
