His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
