i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize