So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
