I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
