after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
