How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
