we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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