just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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