i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
