Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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