i can't believe i had my finger in that
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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