Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
