My girlfriend figured out who you are.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
