he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
