No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
