Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
