Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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