it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize
